Monday, August 24, 2009

It's here...

The day I've been dreading for quite some time now is actually here. That's right. Jaden is at school as I type. And I'm o.k. Not great...but o.k.

I cried a lot all weekend. I think when Jason and Jaden got home from their trip, it hit me. Hard. I guess because we had been talking about them going for so long and now that they were home, that meant it was time for school. Ugh! It was a rough weekend. Yesterday at church was tough because every time someone would ask me if I was o.k., well, I wasn't.

I've thought about it a lot and I've had a hard time figuring out why this is such an emotional time for me? Why didn't I cry when other milestones were reached? I guess I did and just don't remember it so well. But this is the here and now and I'm having a hard time.

Maybe it's because I feel like he's leaving me. He's been with me for 6 years, 2 months and 1 day -- that's 2,252 days people! With the exception of a few of those, he's been with me every single day of his life. I've taught him things. I've played with him. I've loved on him. I've fed him. I've been there for every request that he has had.

And now he has a teacher who will teach him. He will have new friends to play with. He better not have anyone else loving on him yet. He'll feed himself, I hope. And he'll have someone else to watch over him and take his requests during the day.

It's o.k. I know it is. It's hard, but it's o.k. I know he'll learn a lot and have lots of fun. That's what life is all about, right? It doesn't make it any easier though.

When I left him in his classroom, he was o.k. I cried all the way to the van, but he was o.k. I think that actually made it easier for me though. He's o.k. I just wonder what he's doing right now...and now...and now...

If you made it all the way through this post, thank you for reading. Writing this has been good therapy for me. Now, I'm going to put a smile on my face and take Jaxon to the library for story time.

7 comments:

Linda said...

Well, now Memaw is crying. Really neat way to express the first day of school....yes, you are okay..but......

Mom said...

OK- I read it all the way through but not without crying! But you are ok and I bet Jaden is having a great time. Think of all the exciting things he will have to share with you this afternoon. Thank you for sharing with us!

Joey said...

I'm waiting to hear - in both yours and Jaden's words - how the first day went!

You will be OK. You're a great mom and I know he loves you! We all do!

Kellye said...

OK -- I admit! I used my advantage and cheated! I went and checked on him at lunch! I just had to find that little boy in that big cafeteria, and I did! He was sitting on the end of the table eating that crustless peanut butter sandwich. I got the honors of poking the straw into the juice box and opening the bag of cheetos. I really wanted one of the homemade chocolate chip cookies, but I did not even ask for one because I was trying to explain, "Why did Mom put that note in there?" Then, he wanted me to be sure and "tell Mom that the school does have chocolate milk." Gotta love all the blessings!!!

Linda said...

Was he excited and full of news? Did you get caught up in the excitement?

Jami said...

Kellye -- this is one momma who was glad she had someone who could and would take advantage and cheat. Thank you for loving him, too, and checking on him. It helped me tremendously after you called me to tell me he was o.k. :-)

Tami said...

I'm glad you made it through the day, and it's ok that you cried. Most of us have been there or will be and we were all in the same boat. Just wait until he goes off to Jr. High like Cody did today, because that's yet another milestone you have to climb over, but you do. After talking to Jaden tonight it sounds like he had a lot of fun, and I know once you get used to it, you'll have great days ahead too. When Jaxon goes to school, I'm not even calling you at 2:15 that day!!!!! Who knew you'd still be crying! Love you